Children are so unappreciative and ignorant of the allowances awarded them. I like the little snot-nose chumps as much as the next person but, let’s face it, they are oblivious to how much they are allowed to get away with. How much fun they are only years away from being forbidden to have. Polite society is creeping up behind them as we speak.

Don’t get me wrong, there are definite perks to being an adult such as access to wine and buying all the cheese you want. But if I don’t like someone’s shirt I can’t just tell them that or I am considered rude.

I think it’s time to come together and hold toddlers and small children accountable for their behaviors. However, to hear my family and friends opinions, that is not going to happen anytime soon. So let’s just adjust societies’ rules and expectations to be equal for all of us.

I would like to see the following changes in my lifetime. More specifically, in the next year.

Bellies

It is so ironic to consider a grown person’s belly unattractive but a four-year-old can have a belly and it’s adorable. They’re lovingly referred to as the Pillsberry doughboy and poked affectionally in their fat stores. But if we, as adults, dare to get a belly (made with fat just like theirs), we are gifted with CrossFit Gift certificates or weight lectures from our parents.

Kid Gloves

God forbid, you hold a four year old accountable in a competitive match. You are glorified for winning against someone your own age but not letting a kid win in candy land makes you mean? Even if you try to help them by giving them tips to not be a loser? I just don’t understand. I thought all criticism was acceptable if you call it constructive.

Fashion

Why does one act blind when they see a child dressed in a striped shirt and plaid shorts? Or make cutesy noises if they’re in their pajamas in Kroger? Because, I promise you, I have not been let off the hook for either of these fashion felonies. Either something is acceptable or it is not acceptable and it should not depend on the age or cuteness level of said offender.

Filters

This one is my main complaint. Much like a child, I don’t have a filter when it comes to saying what is on my mind. I think it and then it comes out. However, after getting many butt whoopings, I have learned to think twice and talk once. But a kid can literally say anything and it’s OK. For example, they say things like, “Why are you ugly”? Or, “How did your butt get so big”? Or, “I don’t like you anymore.”

If you are not going stop them from asking these questions at least stop laughing long enough so I can hear the answers that they are given. Some of us also want to know the answers to these questions.

Followers

Finally, it would just be nice to go back to the days when you could just blindly believe everything that you were told without having to take logic into account. Kids will literally believe anything you tell them and that is their saving grace.

Anytime I have to babysit, I will tell them cute things like, “When it’s raining that means God is crying. It was probably something you did, I don’t know.” I mean, I can have good, innocent fun like this for hours.

In all seriousness, I actually am not mean to children. I do like to embarrass my kids but I try not to actually upset them. But how nice it would be to go back to the days where you were so free that you could tell anybody anything!

They have no idea the power they hold in their grimy little germ mitts. They could get away with asking anybody they see to buy them something and they don’t do it. What a waste!

I have tasted poverty. I have been hungry and desolate. I’ve had to heat my bathwater and my home in the winter using the stove. Before you stop reading, this is not a pity party. I’m only bringing this up to make a point. I have learned so many things as I clawed my way out of poverty, but one sticks out above and beyond all others.

I overheard this piece of advice in the bank one day while I was waiting for someone to notice me sitting there in the customer service area. They were joking with each other when they said it, but their little joke changed my life.

One of them said to the other, “You know you can’t put all of your eggs in one basket.”

This comment seriously got me thinking. I wouldn’t eat the same thing every day. I wouldn’t let my kids only experience only one fun thing in life and then call it a day after that. I could think of a thousand other crazy scenarios, but the point was that I had been putting all of my eggs in one basket my entire life. I had even been proud of that fact and had called myself a loyal customer.

I made immediate changes to rectify this and have only come out better for it in the end. It changed things for me in every aspect of my life, but for brevity’s sake, I’m just going to talk about how it helped me financially.

I had maintained one checking account for twenty-five years at the same bank. Immediately, I opened two more checking accounts at other banks (one was strictly an online bank). Instantly, I found that I was saving more money and spending less because it felt like I was poorer than I actually was with my money spread across the board.

I then did the same thing with my savings accounts. I also made sure that they were not linked to any of my checking accounts, as that made it too easy to transfer money when I wanted to make an impulse buy. I won’t deny that impulse buying is a bad habit of mine.

After that was successful, I opened three investment accounts. I used one for high risk, one for low risk, and one for mutual funds. I then set aside some money in bit-currency as well.

Mind you, I did all of this with the bare minimum of money required to open these accounts. This amount was usually around $25.00. But, after several months, I was accruing savings and I was spending less.

You can take this advice and use it in other areas of your life as well except for your love life. That doesn’t tend to end up well for a lot of people, especially if they’re not aware of the change.

The second best advice I ever received was not to eat yellow snow.

I have functioned with ADD my entire life, but only recently was actually diagnosed with it. I don’t even think it was considered a real medical issue until I was probably in my teens or at least it wasn’t diagnosed as often. And, as a child, I was only taken to the doctor if I was dying.

I’ve never been able to sit down and watch TV like other people do and finishing any task is almost impossible for me. I do almost everything in my life in short five minute bursts. I read four to five books at a time. I work on seven to ten projects at a time. Now that I have started taking medication, I am able to focus for longer periods, but still not a full hour eight hour day. Or much beyond four hours if I’m honest.

I constantly getting distracted when I’m doing something. That’s usually when a big idea hits me or I remember that the oven is on. My husband lovingly calls me a squirrel. Because I have been known to point them out mid-conversation much like the dog in that cartoon movie.

Before trying medication, I tried many other ways to gain more focus in my life including vitamins, mindful breathing and meditation. Meditation is basically shoved down my throat constantly via friends, the internet and doctors. Let me assure you, I am the worst meditator that has ever existed.

I am not a quitter and I never have been with the exception of my prior marriages. So I continuously try to do this and never get any better. I have tried guided meditation. I have tried it with my eyes open and I have tried it with my eyes closed. I’ve tried it laying down and I have tried it sitting up. I am starting to think I am the one person in the world that absolutely cannot do this.

So tonight, while you are in a place of zen, think about me over here giving it a good solid try for the four millionth time. Maybe your consciousness can reach out and bitch slap mine into submission.

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