Tag: love

Posted in Depression, Friendships, Life

My Teen Son’s First Heartbreak: Evil In The Form Of A Girl

Posted on by Kylie
I have never met anybody capable of such pure evil
An evil young girl strikes a sexy pose in a grocery store.
See above photo credit

Not much shocks me anymore. Especially the meanness of people. However, everyone that my teen son told, and everyone I told, was shocked and outraged by the sheer callousness of the evil that this young girl doled out. His first heartbreak was worse than most.

I have been through a tremendous amount of stress due to the nastiness of humans in my life. The older I get, the less I expect out of anyone. Even so, I was absolutely shocked when I was confronted with my son’s first heartbreak experience. I remember my first heartbreak like it was yesterday. I wouldn’t say it was the deepest cut, but it was the most shocking as it was my first time feeling broken hearted. Though depressing, I can say that it was a normal first heartbreak. It didn’t have the pure evil element that my son’s did.

The Meeting

They met through friends, but to me it felt like she wasn’t there one day and the next she was a constant fixture. I had red flags immediately. Everyone discounted them as this was my son’s first girlfriend and he has always been my sweet child. Everyone thought I was just being over protective.

It was nothing glaringly obvious. She just said little things that were passive aggressive that I would never have said to my boyfriend’s mother at any time. I chalked it up to bad manners.

They spent every day together and I would often have to kick her out at night. I knew they were having sex and I knew he was in love with her. He drove her 25 miles out to his father’s gravesite, which was a first for him. He had always gone out there alone, once he got his drivers license, and never even had taken a friend.

Things kept up hot and heavy for a few months and then the fighting began. A few weeks later, they took a break. This was supposed to be time away from each other to reassess, according to my son, and was not a full break up. I guess she didn’t get the memo.

Pure Evil

I will never forget his face. It was after midnight and I was sitting at my table on a Friday night working on a mosaic. The door suddenly opened and my son came in. It only took one second for me to register the look on his face. I jumped up and asked him what happened. The following is his account of the situation.

After agreeing to a break, my son was at a friend’s house playing video games and lord only knows what else that a group of boys do together. One of them became quiet and came up to my son to show him his phone.

The video, that was posted on social media, showed my son’s girlfriend, or ex depending on how you interpret the break, with another boy dancing. That in itself wasn’t so bad, but they were dancing on my ex-husband’s grave. My son was devastated and rightfully so. This was the type of meanness that bordered on evil and I was furious as he recounted the situation to me.

Backlash

It took everything in me that was holy to not go to jail over this assault. I prayed and restrained myself. I know that karma will do my dirty work one day. My son’s friends, however, did not show restraint. She immediately regretted what she did and took the video down.

Within days, she called me in tears and pleaded with me to call off the dogs. I told her that I didn’t release the dogs. Her evil behavior did. She was reaping a small amount of what she sowed. She said that her phone was blowing up with angry texts and friends were no longer speaking to her.

After showing no sympathy, she tried to threaten by telling me her mother was going to press charges. I quickly broke down how that would not work and how she was lucky I didn’t press charges. I’m sure that video would break some kind of grave desecration law or online bullying stance. Regardless of my obvious ignorance, I spoke with confidence and she slunk away in defeat.

Conclusion

That was over six months ago. My son still suffers from depression and cries about this humiliation and heartbreak. I still want to serve her a heaping dose of punishment, but I have to believe that karma will come for her eventually. Karma has her own timing.

In the meantime, I pray everyday that this stupid girl hasn’t stolen the goodness, trust, and love from my son while he is still only a teenager. I hope he can chalk it up to one bad apple in a bucket of amazing ones. He just happened to have gotten a very bad first taste of love gone bad.

Originally posted on Medium.

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Posted in Family, Life, parenting

Love Without Shame: My Brilliant And Loved Lesbian Daughter

Posted on by Kylie
Love is never a bad thing
A gay pride flag flies above a brick building.
Photo Credits Above

News flash: what people do in the privacy of their bedroom is not my business. I do not care. I do care if someone is funny or kind or giving. I care if someone is a misogynist or a racist or abusive. I will never ever get mad because someone is happy and in love, no matter who it is with, as long as nobody is getting hurt. And, of course, all parties must be consenting adults.

All these homophobic people America seems to have lately is really ridiculous. Part of me feels like they’re just really insecure with their own sexuality. Maybe they have confusing feelings they haven’t dealt with yet. Or maybe I’m just noticing them so much now because my youngest daughter just came out as gay.

We must overcome the notion that we must be regular. It robs you of the chance to be extraordinary and leads you to the mediocre.

Uta Hagen

All I know is that my daughter just came hurling herself out of the closet. My only job, after raising her to be an amazing and productive human being, is to be her biggest supporter and her human armor against any hate. It is not to judge or ostracize her for making decisions that are different from mine.

Even though I am not psychic, I already know she will spend her life tolerating and enduring the comments of mean people regardless of her sexual orientation. There are trolls everywhere in life and online. I will not be one more.

I spent seven years of my life trying to make a marriage work, in a conventional husband and wife relationship, while he was abusive. He almost ruined my children’s childhood and very nearly ruined me. Looking back, my children and I would’ve been a lot better off if I had been with someone that wasn’t a dirtbag and made me happy, regardless of gender.

People ask me if I am grieving all the stuff I won’t be able to do now that she is gay. There is no need for me to mourn. She is still the daughter I have always had, always adored and I know her heart now as well as I did before. Whom she chooses to love does not change her soul or make her fair game to be bullied. I promise that her choice of partner will not be what anyone remembers about her once they meet her.

She is absolutely brilliant, makes amazing grades, and loves animals. She especially loves reptiles and can spout off amazing facts about them as if she had been studying them all of her life. And all this at only ten. I have no doubt in her potential to change this world.

I pity the fools who can’t see beyond their own bigotry.

Originally posted on Medium.

Posted in Humor, love, Satire, sex

Weapons Of Mass Seduction: Amazing New Sex Toys

Posted on by Kylie
How normal household items can be used in the bedroom
Homemade bread sits on a napkin besides silverware.
Photo Credits Above

Attention fellow Chicks and Cocks, I am about to blow your minds. The following revelations might be disturbing to some of you, but it will prove revolutionary for the ones of you that aren’t scared of trying new things. For this particular article, I am focusing on the man, but some of these may work with women as well, especially if they are gym teachers.

For once, it will be about the lady’s pleasure. Many of y’all are not ladies, in the traditional sense, but that’s neither here nor there.

First of all, men and female gym teachers are generally weird AF. Before y’all get all puffy on me, I said generally. There are exceptions. I don’t know any offhand, but that’s beside the point. Men are extremely perverted but usually lack any real sexual creativity. It’s always about baby oil, canned corn, and whipped cream.

Fellas, anything can be made into a sexual accessory if you try hard enough and you are perverted enough. Don’t let the opinions of others, society or laws hold you back. A felony may only last a moment, but memories last a lifetime.

I could write an epic amount of extreme and perverse content on this subject, so I spent nineteen months narrowing down my list. I also condensed the number of ways each item can be used from 3,421 to no more than 17, but mainly one. I believe that is fair enough. Besides, what do I care what is fair? I’m not a politician so pretending to care is not in my job description. You’re lucky you got one.

Disclaimer: I take no personal responsibility if you get hurt. I take no in-personal responsibility either, for that matter. And also, I only want positive comments. No one wants your criticism, even if you fluff it up by calling it constructive.

The Spatula

The spatula is the perfect weapon in the bedroom. It is firm, but bendy, which makes it perfect for hard spankings when you’ve been a bad girl or your man/girl/partner deserves punishment for eating your skittles. Or so I’ve heard. Obviously, I don’t do that kind of stuff. My background as a former nun prohibits me from any pleasure taken from pain. Unless it is self-flagellation with a whip, obviously.

Grater

Normally used for grating cheese or vegetables, this can be used to give sensual pedicures. What did you think I was going to say?

OR you could scrape the ass cheese off of your lover. I won’t lie. This will probably hurt. I don’t know for sure because my lover was gagged while I did this.

Measuring Cup

You don’t just measure the banana! We all know they’re going to say it’s 8 inches anyway. But while you’re at it, go ahead and measure the berries. See how many ounces they make.

Sure, it’s weird, but isn’t everything that they do? We are allowed to be weird if we want. And I know I can’t be the only one who wants to know how many ounces my husband’s berries weigh.

They are 12 ounces.

Colander

Obviously, this is to be used as a hat. Duh. You can be a warrior in bed in addition to real-life since you probably carry the weight of the whole family on your back and your husband’s balls in your purse.

Ladle

For pouring chocolate and White Zinfandel all over the body of your lover. Or scalding hot wax if you’re more into that sort of thing. Personally, my husband loves me to pour lukewarm vegetable soup upon his taint during foreplay. Ha, just kidding. We don’t do foreplay.

Hand Mixer

It can beat more than just potatoes, if you get my drift. It can also be used to give an erotic massage or to blend a sphincter. Really, you are only limited to your imagination.

Cutting Board

Is it, though? It’s more of a paddle and should be used as such. Let nothing hold you back, including the law, from using this to beat whatever you want. It’s done in a sexual nature, no matter your anger level, if Barry White is playing and some of your skin is showing.

I hope that you are as grateful as you should be after reading this article. These tips should make your sex life become as amazing as you are. But, what do I know? I’m a nun. Let me know how it all comes out.

Originally posted at Medium.com

Posted in Life, love, Poetry

All The Little Children

Posted on by Kylie

Small and mighty

A mother holds a newborn baby’s feet in her hands.
See above photo credits

This poem was originally posted on Medium. Original posting

The product of a love that will never die.

Note how easy they are to overlook.

Strong but fragile, resilient but breakable.

The seeds of your heart left to run wild.

Let them, before the wildness is banished.

Rearing is much easier when you threaten the unavoidable.

Mothers know that endless loss is the only criteria for parenting.

Fathers know the love will always be unrequited.

And all the parents learned about the small, devastating hours.

Spent wiping tears while spilling them in synchronicity.

Parental allusion for their little people is completely fictitious.

We are all blind to the truths.

Doomed only seeing the love they carry away from our hearts.

As they beat outside of us.

Posted in Humor, Life

Amazing Tested Responses For Rejecting Dumb Pick Up Lines

Posted on by Kylie

When a simple no will not suffice

A man flicks the bird to a woman rejecting his advances.
Unsplash

I like the smell of the autumn air, the taste of wine, the sound of a baby laughing, and the sight of a douchebag getting put in his place. Don’t get me wrong. I am not a mean or evil person. But, as someone with a vagina, I get tired of unsolicited advances. I won’t lie about taking some pleasure in rejecting the unwanted pick up lines and attempts with the following amazing responses.

I do not send one signal out that I am interested in being picked up or even that I know how to smile. And, yet, the creepiest creepers this side of the Mason Dixon line will find me like a beacon in the night. My messenger is ridiculous with the amount of unsolicited creeps that fill it up constantly.

I also enjoy savagely rejecting men or women who try to pick me up with ridiculous pick up lines. I call them my anti-pick up lines. I’ve learned a few of them from other people, some online, and others are complete originals created on the spot by yours truly.

Take the following scenarios and make them work according to your actual situation.

Him: Can I buy you a drink?

Me: I’d rather just have the cash.

Him: Do you come here often?

Me: Yes. I’ve been waiting for the man of my dreams to come to me and now you’re here. Let me grab my six kids out of my van and we will go back to my place.

Him: Do you want to come to my place Saturday?

Me: Sorry. My explosive diarrhea is happening on Saturday.

Him: Can I get your digits? (This is slang for asking for your phone number)

Me: Sure (give him local STD clinic phone number)

Him: He texts you a picture of his penis,otherwise known as a d**k pic.

Me: Why are you sending me pictures of little boy’s penises?! I am calling the police, you are a disgusting perv!

Him: It’s 2020. Don’t be afraid to ask me out.

Me: Okay. Would you do me the honor of exiting the building as quickly as possible?

I hope these responses will help you as much as they have helped me. There is something liberating about turning the tables on unwanted and dumb advances. Maybe if we take a stand, we can actually bring back manners. Or at least a class on clear signs that someone is open to advances. Or, if I”m completely delusional, maybe we can start a new trend with romantic undertones instead of creepy ones.

Posted in Humor, Life, love

Sarcasm Is My Love Language

Posted on by Kylie

Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.

Sarcasm is my love language is written over a backdrop of Paris' Eiffel tower. Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.
Made With Canva

Is gentle scorn or sarcasm really worse than public displays of affection? I don’t think so. Apparently, I am in the minority with this view. I would much rather roast someone than hug them. Sarcasm is how I show my love. In other words, it is my love language.

Am I proud of this? No. It’s just who I am. I am not a very demonstrative person. I get that from my mother. We hugged on holidays and when I gave birth. Because of this, I am the most awkward hugger on the planet.

I have always been the type of person to show my love with gentle scorn, or sarcasm, rather than affection or generic platitudes. You will feel my love by the heat of my sarcasm. Except for my mother, obviously. She doesn’t understand sarcasm and would beat my butt into oblivion.

The people that know me understand that about me. They love me for it. The people that don’t know me well think I’m a huge bitch. They are not wrong, but I’m not the kind of huge bitch they think I am.

A man named Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled The Five Love Languages. In the book, Gary basically says that people show their love and receive love in different ways and it’s all about finding out what you or your partner’s love language is. This book seems to help people find the way to love their partner in the ways they need and understand. You could just ask your partner what they are missing from you in the relationship and save $24.99. Just saying.

I use attention, humor, sex, gentle bullying, and sarcasm to show my love to my husband. I think my love language combo would be a new mix for the author of the book. I am a pretty odd duck according to everyone that has ever met me.

My husband is actually the sensitive one that shows his love by holding my hand and doing chores around the house. He thinks he is doing those chores for me since he’s a man and thinks deep down inside chores are a woman’s obligation. He would never say that out loud of course. However, he acts as if he is owed a parade thrown in his honor after he completes them.

Multi-colored spray painted hearts
Photo by Renee Fisher on Unsplash

Love can be felt and seen in a million different ways. From a text checking up on you to a home cooked meal, love is not always tangible and physical. It is a phone call, flowers when you’re grieving, visits when you’re sick, and tears for you when you’re hurting. I believe that the little things are worth the most. They signify a real, lasting love.

I have always told my children, as they have grown up and experienced falling in love, and then their first heartbreak, if a love starts fast like spontaneous combustion, it will die just as quickly. If a love is built slowly from a solid friendship, it will be more likely to be enduring.

A beautiful hummingbird picture inside of a heart
Photo by Andrew Lane on Unsplash

If we focus less on how we receive love and more on the ways we can give it, we might not be such miserable dirtbags sometimes. Despite my snarkiness and sarcasm, I am very thankful for every little act of love and every kindness I am shown.

We can apply this principle to many areas in our lives. It’s the small actions, done consistently, that add up to cause the biggest difference made. Being a giver will always bring more back to you than being a taker will.

Love is not what you say. Love is what you do. Also, romantic love is not always the strongest kind, only the most glorified.

Fire pits & patio heaters