Posted in Cleaning, Life

9 Valuable Hacks To Make Cleaning Absolutely Easy

We have to clean, but we don’t have to like it

A woman points her clorox bleach cleaner at dirt and grime.
Clorox bleach is the shizzle

More cleaning tips and hacks from the laziest housekeeper in America or, quite possibly, the world. You are welcome in advance. If there is a lazy, fast way to clean something, I’ll find out about it. And then, I’ll write an article about it.

There are actually some people who enjoy cleaning. There are also weirdos that love going to the dentist. I enjoy the results, but not the action. That’s why I am always on the lookout for shortcuts. Other times, I just try to find a hiding spot or fake an injury of some nature.

1. Clean narrow vases, bottles, and other odd shaped items by filling them with hot water and dropping in a tablet of denture cleaner. At a certain age, especially in the south, we all inherit or buy knick knacks. I’m sure it’s no different in the other parts of the United States. Take your knicks, gather your knacks and throw them in a bucket of hot water with a few denture cleaners in it. Bam! Knick knacks are clean. Repeat for paddywacks. Finish, by giving dog a bone.

2. Garbage disposals stink like rotten food and trash cans if you don’t clean them. There are a lot of different ways to clean disposals. I tend to alternate between baking soda and putting lemon/lime rinds in to deodorize and freshen. Working in property management for the last twenty years I can assure you, without a doubt, that 90% of society do not know how to use a garbage disposal properly.

3. I hate grapefruit. When God was making that fruit I know he was planning a prank on someone. It looks delicious. It tastes like my ex-husband’s soul. But it does come in handy for scrubbing tubs and showers. Cut one in half because, let’s face it, no one will eat that on purpose. Sprinkle it with salt. I like to use Kosher because it is not as fine. Then scrub away those stubborn stains!

4. Some carpet stains can be removed with vodka. I like to share the vodka with the stain. I have fun and the stain gets removed!

5. Is your sink stained with rust or soap gunk? Clean it after pouring on a solution of coke and cologne. Mix about 1/2 and 1/2, it won’t take a large quantity, spray and wipe it up. I would not recommend using $100 bottle of cologne for this. But this article is not about finances, so do what you want to.

6. I hate cleaning ovens. It is, by far, my least favorite chore for a number of reasons. I try to make it less strenous on my forty year old back by removing the oven racks and putting them in the tub to soak in oven cleaner for a few hours.

7. You can remove water marks from the glass shower door by cleaning them with shaving cream. Shave your legs, or whatever may need shaving, and then clean the shower. I love things that are able to be used in multiple ways!

8. WD-40 is fantastic at getting out blood and other tough stains from carpet or any fabric at all. it comes in very handy if you have a family full of teenage boys. Grease and blood seems to be a constant with red dirt thrown in.

9. Run a few denture tablets through a coffee pot to clean the buildup and excess grossness that is hiding in places you haven’t even thought about looking yet.


I hope these tips will help you do this with half the effort. I know I put almost no effort in anything. Especially since turning forty. I’ve also started shouting, “Get off of my lawn!” sporadically.

If you know of any other good tips, please feel free to share them with me!


Posted in Cleaning, Life, tips

Grandma’s Greatest Disappointment

Grandma’s Disappointment With My Cleaning Skills
Canva

I am not a good housekeeper. Not according to my mother and her mother’s standards anyway. Compared to most of the rental properties I have to inspect, I am a regular Martha Stewart minus the felonies. Cleaning standards are varied according to whoever is judging whom at that minute. These nagging opinions didn’t really bother me until I got left a bottle of Clorox in my grandma’s will.

I’m not begrudging that Clorox now because we are in a pandemic and it is very hard to find. Who’s laughing now, cousin Bobby?

Over the years I have learned many tips and tricks about cleaning. Tips learned for the soul purpose of making cleaning go easier, faster, and without much effort being involved.

Q-Tip

This little ear cleaning device can be used in a thousand different ways. It is the perfect size to get the dust out of crevices and tiny items. I love to use this to clean my air return vents. Most people don’t think about those, but I am not most people.

Magic Eraser

I don’t know what material this is made out of. If I had to guess, I would say a cloud. Whatever it is, it is an absolute lifesaver. That shit will get the dirt off of anything. You can clean walls with it. You can clean trash cans with it. You can clean the inside of your refrigerator with it. I’ve never tried it, but you could probably clean your kid with it.

Salt

Salt can make cleaning cast iron a breeze. Sprinkle dirty pan liberally with salt. Let it sit at least fifteen minutes and then scrub the gunk right off! I could write a book on cast iron. But I won’t today.

You can also sprinkle salt on a rust stain on the carpet. Pour hot water over the salt coated stain. Wait fifteen minutes or more and then the stain will blot right out.

Newspaper

Although this will be obsolete many years from now, I’ll be set because my stepfather was the editor of the paper and has hoarded about 10 years’ worth of papers.

My grandmother always said that they were good for cleaning mirrors, but I could not get them to not cause streaks or prevent the ink from transferring. But I do use it as a cleaning tool for any outside work that I need to do. That includes cleaning my front porch railings, my rocking chairs, my side tables, and my planters. I know you’re thinking I’m a huge old bore right now, but I do know how to good have a good time, I promise.

Baking Soda

My grandmother swore by it, but I really can’t say it works. However, Mammaw, I keep baking soda in my fridge to kill odors and I also sprinkle down my drains.

I’m not cleaning my floors with a toothbrush. I just don’t care that much.

Vinegar

I’m not gonna lie. This stuff stinks. End it stinks regardless of apple cider variety or any other kind. You just cannot make a flavor strong enough to get past the stink of vinegar.

However, it cleans amazingly and can be used to clean all kinds of stuff. I’ve heard of people to actually only use vinegar and use it to clean everything. I don’t because I can’t stand the smell. I don’t want my house smelling like a douche.

But if you’re judging something as far as usefulness goes, vinegar can be used for more than cleaning. It can be used for pickling, lice removal, bug spray, etc.


I hope my Mammaw’s cleaning tips will help you. Maybe she will be prouder of you than me.