How do they know what to do and when to do it? Do they know if they don’t wake up at 5 AM they will be losers for life?
If I’ve learned anything in my life, it is to not eat yellow snow and to wake up with a 5 AM routine or risk a life as a loser plagued by doom and misery. Which is probably why mine is full of both. Doom and misery, that is. It doesn’t snow down here very often so I’ve actually never seen yellow snow.
In one of my previous articles that you did not read, I touched on the fact that I have self-diagnosed myself with narcolepsy after failing to succeed with a schedule. And also failing to wake up on a consistent basis and/or on time my entire life. On a sidenote, the disability office will not pay you for self-diagnosed conditions. Even if you cited WebMD. And yet, one of my tenants gets a full disability check for anxiety, which I was born with. I came out with a 40 ounce beer and a Marlboro Red lit to help me with this anxiety. I think God knew then I would never get a check for anything except my pay, including, but not limited to, child support.
I have a real bone to pick with the people that think they’re better than everybody else because they wake up at 5 AM ready to walk, jog, and do CrossFit. Good for you, Karen. You are just the best person on Earth. Except for the fact that you’re driving the bragging wagon. Nobody likes arrogance.
It doesn’t matter what time I wake up. I will never wake up in a good mood, it will never be easy, and I will never do CrossFit. Some might say, never say never. But people with a brain would say, good for you for knowing yourself.
Am my late sometimes to work? Yes, I am. But that’s because I suffer from narcolepsy. Once I get to work, I am able to stay awake, function, and succeed in my job. I have won salesperson of the year and meanest landlord for 10 years in a row.
I’m not trying to come across cocky by bragging about my accomplishments when I don’t even have to wake up at 5 AM to achieve this stuff. Nor am I trying to make y’all feel bad that you do have to wake up at 5 AM and do terrible things to achieve your goals.
I just want to bring another way of thinking to the table. What if you wrote a list instead of waking up at 5 AM? What if you took a bite of granola instead of doing CrossFit? What if you slept with your boss instead of waking up at 5 AM every day?
Choices are everywhere and, yes, I’ve made lots and lots and lots of bad ones. I will also continue to do so, because I want to have a fun life and not a boring one full of Crossfit.
I have never once walked in a store and asked for the manager. I don’t take my bad moods out on old people or animals. Some might credit this to my excessive amount of wine drinking, but I know it’s because I get sleep. Sometimes, a full 48 hours.
Other people might say I sleep a lot because I’m in the depths of depression so dark that no light will ever come through. I just laugh about that, because obviously if I was depressed I would not smile so much. Duh.
And when, not if, I do fail, it doesn’t bother me a bit. Failure is a part of life and one that I’ve grown accustomed to. You’ll never see me throwing a fit because something didn’t go my way. Failure just rolls off my back. Mainly because I’m so sleepy due to my debilitating narcolepsy.
I might sleep a lot, drink copious amounts of wine, get in bar fights, and curse like a full-grown sailor that’s never had sex, but I have never once bragged about being vegan or doing CrossFit. Also, I have a routine however loose it may be.
And I think we can all be proud of me about that. Who is the loser now?
Originally posted on https://link.medium.com/29pXpbM09kb
Kylie’s Rants 