Tag: tips

Posted in Content, writing

Amazing Writing Tips

Posted on by Kylie
Made With Canva

I’m not here repeating the same stuff you read in every other article regarding writing. I’m also not going to guarantee that these will work for you as they do for me. Writing is an extremely personal endeavor and each person is stimulated creatively by something different.

Sleep

My dreams inspire me so I keep a journal beside my bed to jot down my dream inspired ideas right when I wake up and before they disappear into Neverland.

I also literally write in my sleep sometimes. It’s a lot like sleep talking, but it’s sleep writing. Also, it’s completely illegible.

Marijuana

If I did such, which I don’t, I would definitely be inspired with tons of ideas. Ideas from the mundane to the potentially award-winning and possibly even worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. But, it is illegal in Georgia, so I cannot partake in that yet.

A bunch of newspapers.
Photo by AbsolutVision on Unsplash

Headlines

That’s right. Just read and keep up with the news. Write about it and create your own spin on it. Just like FOX and CNN does. Make people see it your way! Your propaganda, I mean opinion, matters too! Such is the power of the word.

The media is a very powerful force and to underestimate that is your own folly.

One Note

I like to write my first drafts in the one note app. Not only because I can use the voice mode to dictate my extremely fast thoughts, but because the font is beautiful. I know that’s silly, but I like a nice, girly font.

<a href="http://<a target="_blank" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1717995454/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1717995454&linkCode=as2&tag=kyliesrants14-20&linkId=b13e872a01ef1b2e9c50e9c6a4ed8005"><img border="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1717995454&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=kyliesrants14-20" >This planner is amazing and has gotten me so organized.

If you look around, inspiration can be found everywhere. You just have to live with your eyes open.

What are your favorite writing tips and/or prompts?

Freshly Bikini Waxed Skin
Posted in Humor, Life, satire, tips

The Brazilian Bikini Wax That Went Horribly Wrong

Posted on by Kylie
Made with Canva – Most Assuredly NOT my legs

My lady bits eerily resembled a cantaloupe with a Hitler mustache. It was definitely not what I was envisioning when I made the appointment at a local spa to have a full Brazilian bikini wax done.

I was young and newly married. Our oldest daughter was but three or four years old. Our relationship had taken a backseat to my complete and total addiction to my daughter. I felt like an amazing mother, but not a sexual being. I laugh now, because I was no older than twenty-five back then. They aren’t lying when they say youth is wasted on the young. I don’t know who “they” are, but they’re right.

So, I was feeling unattractive with my flat stomach and beautiful skin. I can tell you that 40-year-old me really hates that bitch. Anyway, I made an appointment to go get a Brazilian wax. I thought maybe if I was as smooth as a glass ball, I would stimulate some activity in the bedroom or some desire anyway.

I made an appointment with a local salon that was locally renowned for its excellence which was also reflected in the prices.

I showed up for my appointment appropriately dressed, groomed, and medicated as per my phone instructions. Please note what I’m saying here. I did what I was supposed to do.

My waxing specialist exited. She looked to be no more than 16, but said she was 19. That did not inspire me with confidence in her experience level. But being raised with manners in the south, I overlooked the lack of experience and decided to have faith in her abilities. The first lesson I learned was to always listen to that little warning bell in my head.

In my birthday suit basically, I was maneuvered into the most awkward positions available to the imagination. All the while trying to maintain small talk while someone ripped the hair off of my privates. With wax that was not hot enough. I mentioned a few times that the wax did not seem to be warm, but she seemed to be unconcerned.

When I tell you that I was in agony, I am not exaggerating. This little sadistic heifer used cold wax on my taint. I would’ve stood most of it, but when she got to the little man in the boat, aka my clitoris, I jumped up off the table like my life was at stake.

Still clinging to my manners, I said, “You’ve done a great job, but I think I’m good now. We will just leave that there.”

I high tailed it out of there and went home to sit on a bag of ice. Three days later, my vagina still looked like a cantaloupe with a Hitler mustache. I never had this procedure done again. I was very proud of myself for not yelling out Kelly Clarkson’s name during the painful parts.

Moral of the story is, don’t do a Brazilian. Or if you do, just do it yourself. With a hedge trimmer. Or a flamethrower.

Posted in Humor, Life, Social Media, tips

Do You Want To Stop Someone’s Whining On Facebook?

Posted on by Kylie
Stop Facebook Whining
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Her posts were filled with self-pity, memes reflecting the character of strong women, pleas to the ones that got away, and cringe worthy desperation. — Kylie

I speak for the nation when I say, “Please stop your incessant whining on Facebook. We also don’t want to see a picture of your tears, your empty bed, or your cleavage.”

I can’t unfriend her or look away, try as I might. Might someone be more cringeworthy than me? Suddenly my obviously finding myself hysterical didn’t seem so bad to this odd mix of self-pity, love of her own eyes, and selfies. Her beautiful children would be featured every now and then, but normally were overshadowed by her fixation on finding her true love.

I have never wanted to bitch slap somebody more in my entire life. Then I realized, how was I doing anything but hurting her by continuing to watch this without saying something? I was being a mean girl, and that is not who I am.

So, I called her. I told her how she was coming across and she genuinely seem to not realize that. She admitted to wondering why she lost so many friends online recently. It made an immediate difference in her online persona.

So, instead of talking about her behind her back consistently, I went to her directly with the issue. Now, she’s in a better place and, unfortunately, I’m out of dramatics to watch unfold on Facebook. My husband is being a shit right now so maybe people are watching me and my passive aggressive posts and talking shit.

I just hope that is not my entire fifteen minutes of fame.I’m sure I will humiliate myself for another 15 minutes of fame somewhere along this road of life I travel.

Posted in Cleaning, Life, tips

Grandma’s Greatest Disappointment

Posted on by Kylie
Grandma’s Disappointment With My Cleaning Skills
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I am not a good housekeeper. Not according to my mother and her mother’s standards anyway. Compared to most of the rental properties I have to inspect, I am a regular Martha Stewart minus the felonies. Cleaning standards are varied according to whoever is judging whom at that minute. These nagging opinions didn’t really bother me until I got left a bottle of Clorox in my grandma’s will.

I’m not begrudging that Clorox now because we are in a pandemic and it is very hard to find. Who’s laughing now, cousin Bobby?

Over the years I have learned many tips and tricks about cleaning. Tips learned for the soul purpose of making cleaning go easier, faster, and without much effort being involved.

Q-Tip

This little ear cleaning device can be used in a thousand different ways. It is the perfect size to get the dust out of crevices and tiny items. I love to use this to clean my air return vents. Most people don’t think about those, but I am not most people.

Magic Eraser

I don’t know what material this is made out of. If I had to guess, I would say a cloud. Whatever it is, it is an absolute lifesaver. That shit will get the dirt off of anything. You can clean walls with it. You can clean trash cans with it. You can clean the inside of your refrigerator with it. I’ve never tried it, but you could probably clean your kid with it.

Salt

Salt can make cleaning cast iron a breeze. Sprinkle dirty pan liberally with salt. Let it sit at least fifteen minutes and then scrub the gunk right off! I could write a book on cast iron. But I won’t today.

You can also sprinkle salt on a rust stain on the carpet. Pour hot water over the salt coated stain. Wait fifteen minutes or more and then the stain will blot right out.

Newspaper

Although this will be obsolete many years from now, I’ll be set because my stepfather was the editor of the paper and has hoarded about 10 years’ worth of papers.

My grandmother always said that they were good for cleaning mirrors, but I could not get them to not cause streaks or prevent the ink from transferring. But I do use it as a cleaning tool for any outside work that I need to do. That includes cleaning my front porch railings, my rocking chairs, my side tables, and my planters. I know you’re thinking I’m a huge old bore right now, but I do know how to good have a good time, I promise.

Baking Soda

My grandmother swore by it, but I really can’t say it works. However, Mammaw, I keep baking soda in my fridge to kill odors and I also sprinkle down my drains.

I’m not cleaning my floors with a toothbrush. I just don’t care that much.

Vinegar

I’m not gonna lie. This stuff stinks. End it stinks regardless of apple cider variety or any other kind. You just cannot make a flavor strong enough to get past the stink of vinegar.

However, it cleans amazingly and can be used to clean all kinds of stuff. I’ve heard of people to actually only use vinegar and use it to clean everything. I don’t because I can’t stand the smell. I don’t want my house smelling like a douche.

But if you’re judging something as far as usefulness goes, vinegar can be used for more than cleaning. It can be used for pickling, lice removal, bug spray, etc.

I hope my Mammaw’s cleaning tips will help you. Maybe she will be prouder of you than me.

Posted in Life

Life Lessons For My Children

Posted on by Kylie
Life Lessons For My Children
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Two of my children have already suffered the loss of one parent. The pain they felt from that was agonizing and left me vengeful. The curtain I had put up to hide life’s darkness from their little eyes had fallen off and I didn’t know how to fix it.

Since then, my biggest nightmare has always been having to leave them alone in this world before they are ready for me to go. I know the day will someday come and I hope I will have been able to ingrain the lessons they need to know about life into them by then.

Maintenance

As a property manager, I am continually surprised by the number of adults that can’t take care of basic maintenance in their home. I don’t want my children ever to be dependant on someone else to do things that they are perfectly capable of doing themselves. Despite what my daughter thinks, she is not a princess and she can do whatever she is not too lazy to take on.

Identity

You will not find your identity in another person so stop trying to be anyone other than you. Just because your boyfriend likes hot rods doesn’t mean that you have to. You can have your own set of hobbies, strengths, and weaknesses. Common ground will show itself eventually, don’t try to force it.

Complacency

Don’t mistake comfort for happiness. Don’t get complacent in any area of your life. Always keep growing, loving, learning, and doing. When we stop doing those things, our lives become purposeless. We were not meant to be a stagnant species.

Boundaries

I wish I had learned this lesson early. It is absolutely necessary to set and maintain boundaries with every single relationship in your life. Draw your lines in the sand and do not compromise on this. Learn to say no and to say no more often. Unfortunately, takers will try to take more than you are capable of giving. Not everyone has the same heart you do.

Choices

Every decision we make or action we take part in has an equal reaction. Everything you do will affect your future self and your future circumstances. If things aren’t going right, look at some of the choices you’ve made instead of looking for someone else to blame.

Emotions

I hope they feel the emotions that are offered them, good or bad. I hope they never think the problems of others are less than theirs. No one’s problems are insubstantial. Everyone hurts and bleeds and deserves it to be acknowledged. We also can never know what someone is going through on the inside. Not everyone likes to whine and throw pity parties on social media.

The less fortunate

I hope they will look at the homeless, addicted, and fallen, but only see a beautiful soul. I hope they realize that the gold plated veneer of the beautiful eventually galvanizes and all that which was shiny becomes dull. I hope they learn that mankind is not a currency to be used to gain status. Do all good deeds quietly and with humility.

Obstacles

Every obstacle or difficulty is put in our path so we can defeat it. Through suffering, we all become wiser and more apt to grow and spark change. The passionate and driven will always replace the indifference.There are many, many other things that need to be taught to my children before they will be completely ready to be good and decent human beings.

I don’t want them to feel any pressure, but the fate of the world just may be resting on one of their shoulders.

Posted in Humor, Life, parenting

Is Your Child A Hypochondriac?

Posted on by Kylie
Is it a bruise or is it a horrible muscle disease treatable with only the blood from slugs
Is Your Child A Hypochondriac
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He was born dramatic. Any little twinge of pain would cause blood curdling screams to erupt from his tiny newborn lips. It didn’t get better as he got older. Instead, the screams got louder and the fury unfathomable. I clung to the hope that maybe he would be a singer or an actor.

Before the hypochondria set in, he was terrified of external items and situations. Trains were the first terrorizing thing for him and he was sure they were all out to get him. No matter where we were at, if he heard a train, he would absolutely go ballistic. He would alternately panic and run off or just fall down in a heap of dead weight determined to go on no further.

Fall, and October specifically, were a disaster for many years due to his certainty that pumpkins were out to get him.

After the trains, it turned to the weather. Any ominous clouds meant that our deaths were imminent. Any weather at all was a tornado. The beach was not a place to vacation, but a hell on earth where hurricanes murdered people daily.

The weather stage seemed like it had no end in sight. Years passed and then, at eight years old, my son was told about WebMD. As you can imagine, this was my worst nightmare. I would come home from work to his pleading to go to the hospital. He had confirmed his worst fear by diagnosing himself with elbow cancer or sickle cell disease. I spent six months trying to convince him that he did not have AIDS.

This child is number three of my four biological children and holds first place for keeping me green at this mothering thing. Every issue or trial that he puts me through is completely new to me and never to be repeated again. It is also a new scenario for my own mother and any other parent that I have ever asked how to deal with his shenanigans.

Fast forward to now. He is a tall, handsome fourteen year old with a slew of friends and a sharp wit. He is confident and popular and shows no signs outwardly of the social skills I was worried about him having. However, he still wrestles with this hypochondria/paranoia. I try to shield him from as much as I can, but he finds ways to listen or watch the news. He alternates now between worrying about what catastrophe will shortly end all of humanity and what ailment that I am not worrying enough about, which will turn fatal any second.

I wish I could end this article with a statement such as, the extract of hummus ended up curing this! Or, his blood was low on orange juice and a quick infusion fixed him right up.

He is still a ball of nerves, but it has gotten better. However, we are both certain that I am dropping the ball on something. I told him that he has plenty of time to figure out specifically how I’ve failed him. He can tell the therapist when he’s older. For now, I will continue to make him safe and loved. He has learned to laugh at himself when he becomes unreasonable and I think that’s as good a place to start as any.