Tag: blog

Posted in Death, Life

How Tragedy Turned My Life Around Positively

Posted on by Kylie

My sister’s death from cancer opened my eyes to life

A victorious woman holds her arm up in the air with a closed fist.
The hardest times always show us something.

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” — T.S. Elliot

My sister’s death from sudden, aggressive lung cancer changed who I am as a person forever. I know, without a doubt, that I will never be the same Kylie again.

We all are aware that death is inevitable. But, it still hurts in a way unlike any other pain when it happens, especially sudden and tragic deaths. Healing does happen and I know this. Her loss was not my first just my most sudden and tragic. I have buried a husband and my father, but this death just hit me differently and out of nowhere.

I woke up the day after her death, expecting to feel the heaviness of grief. And I did. But I also realized immediately that I was a changed person who, going forward, would be living life differently. I suddenly understood I had been holding myself back in almost all areas of my entire life. I was living my life by trying to avoid attention. I was not being who I really wanted to be. Life was suddenly an extremely fragile thing that I had been wasting for years on mediocrity. I would no longer waste a second that was given to me.

Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world.

Jane Addams

What stops us from trying new things? In my opinion, it is due to the opinion’s of our peers or the people we consider to be the closest to us. Why? Because we know the masses are uncomfortable with being different than the rest and with change of any kind. A lot of conformists want everyone around them to be leery and rejecting of anything different than the status quo. I refuse, adamantly, to live my life like that going forward.

The masses have always viewed anyone who does, looks, or acts differently than the rest of society as odd or outcasts. I find that herd mentally extremely disturbing. Why can’t the different personalities be beautiful or brave instead of outcasts or troublemakers? Personally, I find bland and normal people to be boring as hell and shallow.

What would our lives look like if we took chances, fought back or rocked the boat sometimes instead of cowering? Is the fear of failure or embarrassment really that big of a deal? I don’t understand, because I do not care if people like me or not. What if we had taken more chances? What could we have accomplished by now? Would cancer be cured? Would my sister be alive?

So, I decided in my grief that I would live my life without fear holding me back from anything. I owe this to her beautiful soul. I will never take my life for granted again. She did not want to die. I will live for her now. I will keep her memory alive in her granddaughter, Piper, that she never knew was coming or got to see.

My main goal is to go sliding feet first into my grave. I want the gossips to keep busy by talking about me. I want to have lived a large, exciting, meaningful life filled with amazing moments and memories astounding enough to be talked about in my family for generations to come. I will not accept my fate as being one of the other sheep in this world.

I started my new found way of living by deciding to follow my dream of writing. This was a huge deal to me because I had always let the opinions of others hold me back in this regard. The value of other’s opinions died along with my sister. I started writing and I have not stopped since. Much to my family’s chagrin. I have a lot I still need to get out.

I write more humor pieces than anything. I do this because I have used humor as a coping mechanism my whole existence. There is nothing that I can not twist and mold to turn into a laughable situation. I am comforted in my grief by the memory of her laughing at my antics.

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.

Goethe

I have started a website, started blogging, joined Medium, and haven’t looked back. Am I a huge success? No. However, success is subjective. Writing makes me happy. That makes it a success in my eyes. And, going forward, my opinion is the only one that I will validate.

From now until the end of my days, if I want to do something or experience life, I’m going to do it. Haters riding on my life train can get off at any time. I sincerely hope they do. I am not blind to a few of my friends and the fickleness they show with their support. The time has come for fake friends or people with less than pure intentions to exit my life. That way, I will have room for more supportive people to enter my life. I am definitely ready for some new passengers on my figurative life train.

I will no longer make any apologies or explanations for anything I do. I am different and I am loud. I am too much of a woman for some and too little of a woman to others. I am not here to follow. I am here to lead. I am me. I am proud of who I am and I am free for the first time in my forty one years. And it feels amazing.

I have the full love, support, and acceptance of my husband. He has embraced every change that I have made and fully supported every shenanigan and/or scheme that I have ever come up with. Whether it ends up being successful or not in the end.

I also have the support of my other sister who is my best friend in this world and has been since I was born. Even if my writing is terrible, she knows it is a healing process for me and builds me up every chance she gets. I also support her in how she expresses her own grief which is in a very different and private way.

Let us resolve to be masters, not the victims, of our history, controlling our own destiny without giving way to blind suspicions and emotions.

John Kennedy

As far as the memory of my lost sister goes, I can still hear her sweet voice when I close my eyes. I know she would be supportive of me. I miss her everyday and I am prepared to live the remainder of my life missing her. But, instead of focusing on all that I have lost and my sadness, I am going to focus on living and making myself, and her, proud.

Posted in Family, Humor, Life

My Siblings Are Amazing People, Despite Being Weird

Posted on by Kylie
.MA loving brother and two sisters standing together.
Canva

Some would call me an accident. And by some, I mean my mother. In full disclosure though, she always said I was the best accident that she’s ever had.

My sister was 15 when I was born and my brother was 13. So I didn’t have very many years with them around before they flew from the nest with little thought to the foundling left behind. Which could be the main reason why we never learned to hate each other.

Growing up, my brother was definitely my biggest ally and caretaker. He would pull me around in a box, which in hindsight is not that great. But apparently, I loved it back then. It’s not as fun when you’re 42, though. My sister didn’t spend much time with me when I was very young because she was a social butterfly and the queen bee of our little town.

My brother married the love of his life shortly after leaving for college. He excelled in his career and still is the best husband I’ve ever seen up close. He dotes on his family. He has continuously educated himself and moved up in every aspect of his life. I am only now just beginning to understand how important it is to keep growing and learning as a person.

My sister became my best friend when I was a little older. As a teenager, I thought the sun rose and set on her. She was my hero for many years.

As adults, we have both been prone to impulsiveness and bad decisions. We both love to prank people and can be somewhat obnoxious at times. There have been many moments in my adulthood that I wouldn’t have made it through, if she hadn’t been my ally. For the most part, we are always there for each other when we need each other.

There is not another man, other than my husband, that I respect more than my brother. If more men were as good at being a husband as he always has been, this world’s divorce rate would plummet. There is not another person on this planet that can make me laugh as much as my sister can.

I don’t want to make any of this go to their heads, because it will. And my sister cannot afford that at all. I just wanted to take a moment to praise them, because all I hear about from my kids how much they hate each other. Not all of them do that, but most of them do. And if they don’t say it, it is very evident in their actions.

I know they love each other, because when any one of them is sick they will ask about the ill one behind closed doors. I guess it would be considered a sign of weakness to them, if they thought anyone knew they really cared.

I pray that they will grow out of this feeling. Other parents have assured me that they will, but I never have had ill feelings towards my siblings so I wouldn’t know about that.

I would love to post a picture of my brother and sister, but one of them is immensely private. I don’t feel right about posting one and not the other. However, I will post their Social Security numbers. Kidding…

I would really love to hear about other people’s relationships with their siblings. I would especially love to hear about siblings that grew up not liking each other, but ended up becoming really close as adults.

In this life we will never truly be apart, for we grew to the same beat of our mothers heart.

Daphne Fandrich
Posted in Marriage

Which Type Of Marriage Is Right?

Posted on by Kylie
Elegant, stylish young couple beautiful bridge and groom on the stairs
Made With Canca

Choices are everywhere and we are the sum of our choices. Will you marry? Will you marry for love? Will you marry the same sex? Once you make those decisions then you will have to decide on what type of marriage you want. I was recently educated about the fact that there are more than a few types of marriages out there. Finding one that will work for you is the goal. As someone who is on her third and final husband, I know now that you and your spouse-to-be have to come together in the union that will work for you both. Regardless of how that looks to outsiders.

Traditional

The one we all know. We are one person marries another person with the intention of staying married forever. Usually has a huge ceremony involving a church, but can happen anywhere at anytime. My first marriage was in a chapel and my second was in my mother’s backyard. My final and third marriage was done overlooking a cascading dam.

Polygamy

Just from a marriage as when one person marries several others. This is usually the case with one man and many wives. Apparently, that is acceptable, but the reverse is not. Hey, I don’t make the ridiculously ironic bullshit rules. Anyway, polygamy is illegal here in the United States. It still happens, though.

Open

You’re in a relationship, but not really, because you can f$&k whoever. I would like to wonder how many people this type of relationship has actually worked out for. I would really love some more information on the logistics of this, so if any reader has insights to share, please email me at kylie@kyliesells.com.

Common Law

Being common law married means that you have cohabited as a married couple for a certain amount of time without making it legal. So the law made it legal in order to protect and give rights to long term partners, to a certain extent. This usually protects significant others in will disputes.

Arranged

This marriage exists all over the world, even in the United States, but it is not spoken about much. Usually the parents of both the bride and groom negotiate a match. Sometimes with the help of a matchmaker. They want happiness for their child, of course, but also focus on finances, caste, and religious aspects. Love comes last and is expected to grow in time.

An official pushing an Indian bride and groom’s head together.
Photo by Pranav Kumar Jain on Unsplash

Is monogamy a natural process or a man made policy? We all feel attracted to other people, so why would God, or whoever our maker is, put that in as if it was wrong? People have been disputing this for centuries. Many people feel that the look but not touch rule is a good policy. The bottom line is you both have to set absolute boundaries in a relationship. Crossing those boundaries is a relationship deal breaker.

My husband and I both have been cheated on and lied to so we both crave trust and dependability more than anything. We are the perfect team in this business called life and have no illusions about what each other expects. For us, personally, it is all about keeping the lines of communication open.

After researching this, I have come to the conclusion that you do whatever you need to do to make your marriage work or to make your life work. For some, or many, that may mean no marriage at all. Who really cares if some judgmental person wants to throw their two cents in about you being single? They are most likely miserable shits anyway.

Love yourself, do good things, help others, take care of your family and your parents, and go to bed at night resting easy. Whoever the God is in charge up there will only commend your efforts. You cannot change my mind on this fact.

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Posted in Content, writing

Amazing Writing Tips

Posted on by Kylie
Made With Canva

I’m not here repeating the same stuff you read in every other article regarding writing. I’m also not going to guarantee that these will work for you as they do for me. Writing is an extremely personal endeavor and each person is stimulated creatively by something different.

Sleep

My dreams inspire me so I keep a journal beside my bed to jot down my dream inspired ideas right when I wake up and before they disappear into Neverland.

I also literally write in my sleep sometimes. It’s a lot like sleep talking, but it’s sleep writing. Also, it’s completely illegible.

Marijuana

If I did such, which I don’t, I would definitely be inspired with tons of ideas. Ideas from the mundane to the potentially award-winning and possibly even worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. But, it is illegal in Georgia, so I cannot partake in that yet.

A bunch of newspapers.
Photo by AbsolutVision on Unsplash

Headlines

That’s right. Just read and keep up with the news. Write about it and create your own spin on it. Just like FOX and CNN does. Make people see it your way! Your propaganda, I mean opinion, matters too! Such is the power of the word.

The media is a very powerful force and to underestimate that is your own folly.

One Note

I like to write my first drafts in the one note app. Not only because I can use the voice mode to dictate my extremely fast thoughts, but because the font is beautiful. I know that’s silly, but I like a nice, girly font.

<a href="http://<a target="_blank" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1717995454/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1717995454&linkCode=as2&tag=kyliesrants14-20&linkId=b13e872a01ef1b2e9c50e9c6a4ed8005"><img border="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1717995454&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=kyliesrants14-20" >This planner is amazing and has gotten me so organized.

If you look around, inspiration can be found everywhere. You just have to live with your eyes open.

What are your favorite writing tips and/or prompts?

Posted in Blended Family, Family, Ideas, Life, parenting, tips

Ridiculous Advice or Profound Insights?

Posted on by Kylie
Made With Canva

 I got my love for shocking people from my mother. No filter, no care for political correctness, and no f*&ks given were also handed down to me, via the maternal side. We also have the same straight face that makes messing with others extremely fun as no one can tell if we are kidding or not.

As a child, and now as an adult, she provided me with love, laughter, confusion, and fear. All the things that make up a great parent, in my mind. Over the years, and despite what I told myself growing up, I have adopted some of her ways as my own. Others, I have left for her to keep to herself.

Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash

Hoe Up/Hoe Down

This advice is a gem that I have passed down to my own kids. There comes an age, usually in middle school, when the size of a shirt or a pair of shorts suddenly become the size of a peanut. The tiddly bits of young ladies are almost exposed because they are so short! I sound like my own grandmother right now, but it is what it is.

It was during my own dress like a whore phase that my mother sat me down for a chit chat. She told me, “You have to hoe up or hoe down. You can’t do both or you’ll get a reputation.” The reputation threat didn’t really bother me, because I didn’t care what people thought of me. However, I thought that was really good advice because I wanted to show some kind of illusion of being classy while also submitting to the mating dance of the hormonal, like the other teens.

So when I wore a cleavage bearing shirt, I would wear long pants. When I was rocking some booty shorts, I would make sure my cleavage was covered. Even though I am old as dirt now, I still use this advice often with my children, others and even on myself when I’m feeling particularly whore like.

Thanks, Mom!

This is She

If you answered the phone at my house and you were heard replying, “This is her” to a person asking to speak with you, you were no better than a convicted felon. My stepfather was the editor of the local paper and my mother may have been the first grammar Nazi. I never understood the big deal of it all until I watched my children trying to date people who couldn’t speak correctly. Then I understood. 

Sorry, Mom.

Don’t say fart or crap. That shit is fucked up.

My mother had her own version of bad words. The word fart being the dreaded F word in my house. It was hugely offensive. We had to call it a motor boat. Imagine my surprise when I got older and learned the other definitions of motorboat. 

We won’t talk about how many odd looks I got for gasping in response to someone saying the word fart. 

Appropriate Gifting

All births deserve flowers to be sent and all deaths deserve hand delivered casseroles. Nothing cures grief faster than some tater-tot casserole. All wedding showers will get a money envelope. We don’t give a f$&k about your registry. Have fun buying that new toaster with your new husband, because you are getting what we decide you need.

Furthermore, any necessities that you notate on your registry are to be ignored. We will buy what we want. If it is a cute child, or even an ugly one, we are buying for, we will pick out a cute gift. Otherwise, you will get cash. Those are the only options.

After Midnight

It doesn’t matter how old you are or what the other kids are doing. Nothing is open after midnight except legs and Walmart and you don’t need to be in either of them.

Door

Don’t slam the door!

This was a disrespectful action equitable to flipping the bird or worse. I don’t know if the cost of a door used to be ludicrous or what, but door slamming, aka door damaging, was a big deal back in my day.

I guess the price of doors was a lot higher when I was a kid. Because my mom lost her ever loving mind when I slammed one.

Photo by Jovana Askrabic via Unsplash

Dogs

I grew up thinking that dogs were boys and girls were cats in the pet world. I’m going to tell you that I was not 17 before I knew this was not the case. Just please politely mind your business. Once again, I would like to thank my mother.

Underwear

Never leave the house in underwear that is not in mint condition, lest you die suddenly. It is apparently a huge deal for any EMTs or funeral home workers to see underwear that has been tainted.

Of course now that I’m older and I understand the bodily functions better, I realize this is not reasonable in any way. 

This article just covers the ludicrous that my mother taught me in my childhood. The good things she instilled in me would take several books to record. Maybe one day.

Posted in Humor

Attention Ranters!

Posted on by Kylie

My New Ride

I am extremely excited to announce that I am driving a car that is less than five years old for the first time ever in my entire life.

However, the most exciting part for me is the fact that the windows roll down and the air conditioner works.

I have spent the last six months in the dead heat of Georgia summer driving around in a car with no air-conditioning and no ability to open the window. Combine that situation with the blacked out gangster tint all over the windows on this car and you have the recipe for a small compact section of Hell brought up for your own amusement.

So in simpler and less dramatic terms, I am so excited to be comfortably working my life away instead of doing it with no air conditioner in a less than stellar vehicle.

The downside to this improvement in my life is that I now have a $600 a month car payment. So, on a final note, I have become broker but cooler in a sense as well.