Tag: Humor

Posted in Humor

Harassment by Messenger

Posted on by Kylie
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Ever since I opened my Facebook page to the public (to advance my Real Estate and writing career),I have been harassed nonstop by men and one woman. And somebody calling me Mommy.

I have not responded. I have just blocked them. Some will just slink quietly away. Some will try again a month later and others will repeatedly video call me.

I’m starting to think that maybe my sister wrote my name on a bathroom stall or something. Because it’s clear from my profile but I am married, recently at that. But these Don Juan’s are not so easily deterred.

I’ve posted a public plea and even threatened to out them. But, they seem to have no shame in their game.

I have put together a few of the most recent but I did cut out the identities of these certifiable nut jobs.

Screenshots by Author

This desperate man wrote me a book. I only provided you, the reader, with page one.

Screenshots by Author

This one still confuses me. I’m not sure if this was a toddler, a full-grown man or a woman but it freaked me out to say the least.

Screenshot by Author

My husband actually told me to tell him yes but I know better than to play with fire.

Screenshot by Author

This fellow was certainly determined to try to reach me via video chat. I finally figured out how to block him. It took me a minute.

Screenshot by Author

This is the only one that I got from a woman. I don’t know why she thought I would respond to “Sup?” at 3:55 in the morning but I blocked her as well once she sent me the follow up question marks.

I think more awareness needs to be taught to our young men. For instance, harassment over messenger is never, ever going to get you laid. So, maybe they should try something different. Like going after someone who has expressed any interest whatsoever in them. That’s always a good start.

Posted in Humor

Eight Tips You Didn’t Know You Needed

Posted on by Kylie

Very few people know this about me, but not only do I love lists of any kind, I also love obscure but helpful tips and random facts that will never do me any good. I’ve been known to shout them out during conversations when I’m nervous. My loved ones seem to think this is funny. My doctor doesn’t.

There is literally nothing I can’t and won’t make a list about. This list is a collection of some of my favorite tips. I am an abyss of tips, facts, tidbits and home remedies but please don’t ever ask me to do math or public speaking. I can’t be perfect at everything.

Please remember to send your thanks in the form of likes, shares and follows.

Diet Coke
  1. Using Diet Coke as a mixer will get you more intoxicated (aka drunk) than it’s regular or sugar free twin. I will not elaborate on when or why I have had intoxication as a final goal (sometimes only) for my evening. I will reinforce that I have a total of six kids with my husband. And two dogs, two birds and a turtle. And a full time job. And a husband. Life is not always easy, am I right?
  2. If you love Nature Valley’s granola bars but hate looking like a crumb bomb went off on you and caused 19 casualties, microwave it for 30 seconds first. I don’t snack a lot. I’d rather just eat a full meal with meat and vegetables or a huge plate of nachos. But I do get a craving for these bars every now and then, especially the peanut butter ones. I have regretted eating them every single time I did it before learning this trick. This granola bar would definitely win the vote for most destructive snack bar.
  3. This one I’ve only heard about but I’m dying to try it. It’s so James Bondish and I’ve always thought of myself a spy. Seems like I’m a bad one that doesn’t work for anyone but that’s o.k. We all start somewhere. I’ve made many code words with people over the years but the only one that has stuck is the “get this creep away from me” signal from the bar to my girlfriends. Anyway, if you see a pickle stand at Disneyland, and you ask them (the workers of the stand) how their day was, they have to give you a free pickle! I don’t know what happens to them if they refuse or who you contact to get them fired. I’m not even sure what a pickle stand looks like.
  4. This tidbit might not be so surprising. Mountain Dew was originally made to go with whiskey which seems fitting to me. When I think of this, I imagine a bunch of coal miners in the hills of Appalachia drinking whiskey with a mountain dew mixer. They probably threw in an ounce of their local cocaine just to make it kick a little harder. They have a group picture of the whole crew in their matching overalls standing around on their five minute lunch break surrounded by pissed off donkeys and women that look like they’re being treated worse than the donkeys. This concoction is all of their’s favorite. Even the donkeys.
  5. I’ve seen this trick but never tried it. My friend used toothpaste to clean his headlights and they were impression-ably shiny. This is coming from someone who never, ever notices vehicles and treats hers like a dumpster. Before fixing your headlights, I urge you to please use it on your teeth. So many men have gotten the importance of teeth over car backwards.
  6. If you put your batteries in the freezer, it can double their life span. My sister told me this. I can only guess how she knows.
  7. Mix Nutella and milk, then microwave. Best hot chocolate EVER. Not that I’m an expert but in my experience it is. Feel free to send me samples of better ones if you want to argue about it.
  8. Adding vodka to your shampoo can strengthen split-ins and stop dandruff. Drinking vodka can make you shave your hair, and by default your dandruff, off. Trimming your hair can help split ends and using Head N Shoulders can also reduce dandruff.

I hope you put these tips to use immediately as I did. You can mix and match them or just check them off one at a time!

Disclaimer: I am not liable if someone tries any of these and gets hurt. People can make the simplest tasks into murderous death traps because they are generally dumb. So do these at your own risk!

http://www.kyliesrants.com
Posted in Humor

If I Was In Charge of Buzzfeed Quizzes

Posted on by Kylie
Photo by ThisIsEngineering on Pexels.com

Everyone has done or seen or at least heard about the infamous online Buzzfeed and/or Facebook quizzes. The ones where you find out what kind of pizza you are or who were in a previous lifetime (based solely upon your name, gender and their amazing algorithms)! Most people don’t take these too seriously and a lot make fun of them and, yet, everyone I know has taken one. Most proudly post their results for all to see.

So, eventually, I took one. Then another and another. I was hooked. Now, my resume has been updated to include that I am the color red, I was Abraham Lincoln in a previous life and I will be married to Will Ferrell within five years and expecting twins. Before all this goes down in my future, I think the job title “Quiz Originator” is pretty awesome. And I KNOW I would be fantastic at that job!

I took the liberty of creating a few quizzes for my interview and I have listed them here for input and constructive criticism. I don’t have any time for straight criticism so keep that in mind. And Buzzfeed, don’t even think about stealing my creations.

  1. Take this short quiz to find out if you’re as dumb as you look!
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

2. Which STD matches your personality?

Photo by Sound On on Pexels.com

3. Which medication do you look like? (Answer is always Valtrex)

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

4. Take this quiz to find out if you like potatoes or carrots more!

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

5. Which Jonas Brother do you smell like?


I know Buzzfeed will be impressed. In addition to these gems, I have an abyss of untapped quizzes just waiting to be let out of me. Don’t worry though, when I’m famous, I won’t forget where I came from.

Posted in Uncategorized

Three Apps That Changed My Life

Posted on by Kylie

My name is Kylie, and I have a problem. I’m addicted to iPhone apps. I browse the App Store every single day and download at least one or two apps. That means I have tried a whole lot of apps! I tend to gravitate toward the productivity and finance apps the most. However, I do love a good photo app too!

The other day, my son asked me which one of my million apps that I liked the best. After reflecting on this for a very long time, I narrowed my favorite apps down to the following three.

1. Digit – for a small fee, the Digit app will set aside change and save money for you. All you have to do is sign up and link your bank account and let the money pile up. A few weeks later after installing the app, check the app and you’ll be surprised to see a new chunk of savings that feels like it came from nowhere! I love, love this app. (digit.co/r/-J4tyASmH?ab)

2. Tody – I didn’t spell that wrong. My house would be a pigsty without the help with this app. It comes pre-filled with chores but you can add custom ones to fit your specific household needs. It has a meter for each chore. Green means it was done/cleaned recently, yellow means that it needs attention and red means that $&@t is dirty! This app is invaluable to a person like me who functions only with the help of list (another addiction of mine). You can find this app in your play store.

3. Long game – This one is also a savings app but it has games that are scratch off and lotto like that allow you to win money that goes into a savings account set up for you. You can set up these accounts for specific items or goals for your future. So basically, you are playing games to save money instead of playing games to lose money! I have not thrown any money away on lottery since getting this app.(refer.longgame.co/?h=kylie_AT6B8ETIYM6)

I hope these apps help readers like the apps have helped me. I will talk about the one’s that have taken all my money and ruined my budget at a later date.