Tag: Life

Posted in Humor

Childhood Dreams That Won’t Die

Posted on by Kylie

As a child, none of my dreams included anything having to do with money. This is because, at the time, I had no idea what it was like to be broke as hell. Now, many years later, I have included money in my dreams and goals for the future. I am also still clinging on to a few dreams from my childhood. I tend to have really immature grown-up goals as well. I am aware that at my age, I’m supposed to be dreaming of cross-stitch, knick knacks, and IRAs. Or maybe gardening and bingo.

An image of fresh beets.
Photo by Melissa LeGette on Unsplash

Dwight Schrute

I would give absolutely anything to have my own personal version of Dwight Schrute working along side of me at my office so I could mess with him continually for my own pleasure. If that happened, I would be so excited to go to work every morning. As it stands, my current co-workers do not enjoy me messing with them and get offended. Nobody at my place of employment has obsessions with swords or beets.

Obviously I didn’t watch the office when I was a child, but I am including this dream of mine because it is clearly a ridiculous thing to want so badly as an adult.

The coolest phone that ever existed

When I was 13, I was the only one of my friends that didn’t have that super awesome phone that was shaped like a pair of lips with red lipstick. I’m not gonna lie, this is still on my bucket list even though I don’t even have a landline. I will get on just to meet this goal.

Actually, I would rather install this bad boy in my office so I could show it off more. It would let everyone that entered my office know that I had arrived.

A handful of gold coins laid out on the phone.
Photo by Syed Hussaini on Unsplash

Gold

When I was younger, I used to watch Duck Tales every Saturday. This habit caused me to desire the riches of owning a treasure chest full of gold. Even though I am proud of my accomplishments and successes, I don’t feel like I will have ever made it in life unless I have one of these in my living room. I also associate sugar cubes with financial success. Once I’m rich, I will only take cubes in my coffee. Loose sugar is for chumps.

If I do ever become rich, look out. I will be one of those eccentric rich old people that spend their money on charities and huge statues. I will buy billboards just to say snarky things along the interstate. I will use my money to do good things and also to amuse myself. I will also buy an ascot immediately.

Roger Rabbit

I used to love this movie. Actually, I still love this movie. I was also and still am jealous of Jessica rabbit. I am quite aware that this is a cartoon character, but dang she is hot and I wish I looked like her.

Will Ferrell

Don’t tell my husband, but I really feel like Will Ferrell is my soul’s twin. I feel like he is the only one that would totally understand my sense of humor. It is absolutely my second biggest goal in life to meet him and hang out with him for an evening or forever, whatever happens.

Knowing me, though, I would freeze up and act like a huge nerd instead of the hugely entertaining person I normally am, according to people that I pay.

My first goal is obviously for my children to grow up healthy, happy, and successful. But mainly happy.

An open book laid on a bed with lights in it.
Photo by Nong Vang on Unsplash

The book

I have always read a lot. I started reading when I was very young, around age 4, and quickly fell in love with it and have never stopped. Please note, according to my mom, this does not make me a genius.

As a child, I loved the escapism that books provided me. As an adult whose daily life is sometimes saturated in bulls&*t, I still think it would be the coolest thing in the world to find a book like that boy did in The Neverending Story. I could come home after a long day of jerkwads, pick up the magic book, and actually be transported to that world for a little while. With my luck, I would get trapped in The Shining or something like that.

Translator

This is actually a semi-mature and recent dream of mine, but my life would be so much easier if someone would teach my map and translation apps how to understand a southern accent. I am so tired of talking into my phone and having none of it be understood. If I am that hard to understand, then how come everybody can understand me in real life. Answer me that Siri?

At the end of the day, I think I am still an overactive twelve year old stuck in this 41 year old body. I guess the kid in me just doesn’t want to grow up.

I’m fine with that. I’d rather be a little, or a lot, immature than boring as hell.

Posted in Humor, Life, tips

9 Ways To Build A Life Worth Living

Posted on by Kylie
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I woke up in my forties and found myself adrift in a sea of yoga pants, identical personalities, and uninspired activities. Everything and everyone I encountered was interchangeable, bland, and boring. I decided I would never let that happen to me.

So, I took a good look at the people I was around on a consistent basis and noticed that they all were content but unenthusiastic and unmotivated. None of them were striving for more or continuing to grow in any way that I could see. Every day was the same as the one before it.

People that I formerly knew as outspoken leaders were now sharing the same opinions and beliefs as their spouses without knowing why. So much so, that they began to almost look-alike in addition to also sharing the same thoughts.

Two sheep on a grassy area.
Robinson Recalde on Unsplash

I thought and pondered on this for weeks. I heard people who spouted their opinions straight from Fox or CNN, talk about brainwashed individuals. They could not see the irony.

I could see the authenticity had left them somewhere along their way. I wanted to make sure I never lost myself. I didn’t know how to prevent it though. Then I thought about what made me different than them.

Read

I constantly read from almost every genre. I believe that this keeps my brain healthy and is one of the reasons I am a critical thinker. I have always been a person to ask questions. I want to know why things happen. I want to know how things are done. And most importantly, I don’t offer an opinion on something I’m not educated about.

Try new things

Growth is about allowing yourself to evolve. I aim to learn something new every day, whether it is from another person, a lesson from something dumb I did, or from reading an article.

I also make it a habit to try new activities and go to new places as often as I can. In the last month, I have started shooting a bow, making mosaics, and started growing my own vegetables. Even if I hate it, at least I can say I tried.

A camera on a ledge with the sky in the background.
Clay Banks on Unsplash

Teach

There is not a person alive that does not have insights or experiences to share with another. We are meant to pass our lessons on. At a minimum, share your experiences with your children and family as a legacy for them to have forever.

Give

Religion did not teach me this, but I live my life as a servant to others. Serving and giving are the two things that I get the most reward out of doing. I love seeing the downtrodden realize that someone cares or the shunned know that someone will stand up for them.

Give without expecting anything in return, but the feeling you are rewarded with. It is more than enough.

Woman falling off a ledge reaching out to a hand held out to help her.
Noah Bücher on Unsplash

Laugh

The theme of my life has been and always will be laughter. I think my best quality is being able to find something to laugh and joke about on an almost constant basis. I don’t understand people that take themselves so seriously. Lighten the f*&k up. We only get one life, or so I’m told.

Be Yourself

Whoever that you believe created this world did not put you here to be a replica of everyone else. I am completely original, and so are you. Stop trying to fit in and love who you are!

The world needs more people to push boundaries and defy the ordinary. That could be you if you stopped being a sell-out.

Have a creative outlet

I am considered to be a stoic person by certain members of my family. I don’t get overly emotional outwardly. But, despite what many think, I do have feelings and care deeply about plenty. I’m just awkward as hell at showing it.

Years ago, my former therapist recommended I take up a creative hobby as an outlet for my feelings. I don’t know if writing, making mosaics, or painting is getting the brunt of my emotions, but I do enjoy doing it.

It really does help me relax or calm down when I lose my cool, or I’m stressed out more than usual.

Reduce Stress

Being a walking ball of anxiety, I have a hard time with this even though I try hard to do it. Relaxing is something that has never come easy for me. I don’t watch TV, and I am usually running around working, parenting, or cleaning. When I do sit down, I fall asleep almost instantly.

With that being said, I have tried mediation, mindful breathing, stress exercises, drinking, and much more to reduce my stress levels. I haven’t found anything that worked much for me, but I am still optimistic. If I ever find a way to relax, I will really feel like I’ve made it in this world.

An image of a man standing on a rock with arms outspread in front of a sunset.
Xan Griffin on Unsplash

Buy Less/Do More

You will, most likely, never regret an experience with a loved one, but you will consistently regret material purchases. When faced with the choice of an item or an experience, always choose the experience. Memories will be the only thing you take with you when you pass on.

Most importantly, as I have recently learned the hard way, Memories are the only things left behind for us as well. Treasure the moments you are making them.

Posted in Humor, Life

Aging Gracefully

Posted on by Kylie

Aging is a slow dance with a beautiful man whose name is death, but he goes by Bill so that you won’t know it’s him. It is not a lie that youth is wasted on the young. Few of the young realize the opportunities that youth allows them.

When I turned 40, I handled it better than I thought I would. I still felt the same way as I did at 39 and I still thought much the same way as I did at 13. “What’s the big deal,” I thought to myself.

In my journey to age 41, I did make note of sudden changes that appeared as I got older. When I turned 32, I started lowering the volume on my car radio.

When 35 hit, I woke up loving gardening and flowered artwork.

At forty, I suddenly went nuts for Christmas decor and started collecting Christmas ornaments. I got embarrassingly much too excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Aging is a slow dance with a beautiful man named Death, but he goes by Bill so you won't know it's him.
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Then I turned 41. I guess my freak out mode was delayed a year because 41 is when I really freaked out. I felt like I woke up suddenly a decade older. The only things missing were me suddenly loving cat sweaters and cross stitching rainbows. I was sure that was coming along shortly.

Shortly after my forty first birthday, things started to change. Suddenly, an evening with friends that included a few drinks took three days to recover from.

I started carrying Advil in the car in addition to having it at home. The weather became an awesome topic of conversation and I ran into at least three people I knew every time I went to the pharmacy.

I had to fight myself into not buying a cat sweater. I canceled three appointments that I made for a permanent and a set and Piccadilly at 4:30 seemed the perfect locale for dinner instead of resembling a formaldehyde smelling funeral home.

Image for post
Photo by Unsplash

I looked at my wrinkles, sagging body, and gray hairs that appeared overnight while trying to think about the good parts of aging. I knew there had to be some.

I definitely am a lot more mature and responsible than I was 12 years ago, although I’m still decades behind my peers in that respect. No one loves pranks and 12-year-old humor more than I do. I also impulse buy a lot.

I still get hit on plenty, but that’s really not saying much because some of these men would hit on a dead toad if they thought it would put out. And it’s usually at the gas station or over Messenger.

Recently, I looked at some pictures of Jennifer Aniston, and women like her in their fifties, who claim not to ever have had cosmetic surgery done. They look like they’re 19 instead of 50. I bet they don’t even own a housedress.

I call bullshit. Either they are lying or they’re buying $12,000 skin cream made from some secret ingredient that only they know about such as endangered eagle jizz or something similar.

Anyway, my exterior might be aging a bit, but my internal self is still young and vibrant. I love to have fun, be social, and be with friends and family. And mess with people and stir up trouble.

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I both dread and look forward to what 45 holds in store for me. As I age, my brain, beliefs, and morals get better, but my body is slowly falling apart.

Like a fine wine, I’m getting better with age, but only on the inside. But I’ll grow old fighting it every step of the way.

Posted in Humor

Random Tips For Your Eternal Gratitude

Posted on by Kylie

I can’t tell you how to divide fractions, but I can tell you the easiest way to clean an intake vent or how to cure a hangover really quickly.

I have more tips than you could ever imagine written down or stored in my mind, but I’ve only listed ten in this article. Too much information all at once can overwhelm instead of educate. At least that’s what I tell myself.

A green shattered glass bottle
Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash
  1. If you break a dish and are not sure that you got it all swept up, lay a flashlight (turned on, obviously) on the floor and it will cast a shadow on any shards left behind.
  2. Wearing green on camera (both still photos and videos) will make you appear smaller. Your family pictures will thank me.
  3. If you come across a screw or bolt that won’t budge, pour some coke (the drink) over it and watch it loosen on up.
  4. Make rust disappear on hard surfaces by rubbing it with aluminum foil that has been soaked in vinegar.
  5. This is more of a warning than a tip, but at many bars the drink garnishments sit out for days and sometimes more. I would ask for no garnishments if I were you.
  6. Drinking two glasses of Gatorade has the same pain relieving effect as taking over the counter traditional pain relievers.
  7. Pound for pound, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. I told my husband that my tongue game was strong AF!
  8. If you use your phone while it is charging, it will damage your phone battery. Before you know it, you will have to invest in a new battery for your smart phone.
  9. If you are having a coughing fit and can’t stop coughing, raise your arms above your head and it will cease! If you are anything like me, these fits will always happen in a quiet but crowded room.
  10. When making tacos put the cheese on before the meat. The cheese will melt and prevent the shell from breaking apart.But have a soft tortilla laying under it just in case. If anything falls out he will have a soft taco immediately.

I hope some, if not all, of these tips and tricks will be of value to you.

I hope you all read my next article which will cover my job as a rocket scientist. more of how I just pretend to be one actually.

How I Saved My MarriageI am most recently married again for the third time. I knew going into it that this marriage was going to be forever no…link.medium.com

Posted in Humor

Prayers: The Perfect Excuse

Posted on by Kylie
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Please stop sending prayers for healing and peace over Facebook when you read about a death or some other devastating event.

We hear it over and over again when we are at our lowest possible point in our lives. The trauma of a death, job loss, or divorce has already knocked us down.

If lucky, we might have a few friends that show up and do things to actually help us get through these ordeals.

The people that really want to help will perform actionable items such as offering you suggestions on where to find a job, a place to vent your emotions, company, or food. Sometimes a casserole is enough to make a difference. Doing anything is better than just saying that you will pray for them.

Our society has gotten away with thinking prayer replaces human kindness. I am sure that every downtrodden person appreciates the prayers. However, what they need is human help in addition to any godly request you might offer up in their name. Case in point, sharing something on Facebook will not save someone’s life but donating blood will.

In no way shape or form am I saying that praying is not a good thing. I am stating that it needs to be done in addition to not instead of actually helping. Prayers are not going to feed the hungry. Prayers aren’t going to help the lonely or the grief stricken. At least not right away.

Especially now, when this virus is making us all further apart from each other, we need to come together as humans in a community practicing kindness and empathy.

When you know someone is having a bad time or is at a low point in their life, show up for them. Make your face seen, your voice heard, and make your concern known. The world needs more of that.

We have all heard the saying that God helps those who help themselves. I also believe that God helps those that helps others.

The older I’ve gotten the more I’ve seen the absolute worst character traits in the people surrounding me. Ignoring anything bad around them is the way that used to live their life. Then they’ll show up at church on Sunday and perform some quick prayers and think that fixes everything. They think that washes away the sin of them turning their back on the downtrodden and the lonely.

They are quick to be around a fun person who is on top of the world. They are also the first to leave when ships sink. It would be nice during this time when many lose the friends they thought for others to step up to take their place.

In full disclosure, I am not religious but I am spiritual.

The time has come for us to worry less about proving that we are good Christians or religious. It’s time to start showing it. Whatever religion or non-religion you may practice, being a good person is what it’s all about at the end of the day.

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Photo provided by Unsplash

Here are some actionable items that you can do for someone who is going through a hard time. Please don’t think that you get to decide what is considered a hard time.

Whether it’s a trauma, financial downfall, or a mental illness, we are not put on earth to judge what is hard or not hard for others.

Listen

After the death of my sister, the only thing I wanted was to talk to someone about my memories of her and how I felt. But no one really wanted to talk about it and nobody showed up to hear about it. When they did, I could tell it made them uncomfortable so I quickly stopped.

Many people just want to talk and be heard. Being a shoulder to lean on counts for a lot more than you think it does.

Friend

Offer to do things with the person going through a hard time. More people than you know are lonely and just want company. Sometimes just being available to someone is the difference between life and death for them.

If someone reaches out to you, reach back. Don’t turn your back.

Advice

If someone has lost their job or home, sit down with them and help find the resources available to get them back on their feet.

Every single one of us on this planet has something that we are good at. Sometimes they just have to be reminded of that.

When someone is depressed, they often aren’t up to doing the work that needs to be done. Help them do it.

Babysit

Anyone with kids knows that parenting does not stop just because you are suffering. It is extremely difficult to be a good parent while you are recovering from trauma, worried about finances, or housing.

Offer to watch the kids. Offer to spend the day or even the weekend with the kids so they can get things done. Maybe they need to grieve in private. Don’t wait for them to ask. Offer your help.

Food

This sounds silly, but I firmly believe that food brings people together and unites them. It brings families together when they sit at the dinner table every night. It brings friends together when they meet for dinner once a month or have cookouts.

Do not underestimate the value of feeding someone going through a crisis. Drop off a meal, host them at your house, or take them out somewhere to get them away from the house.

Call

The simplest way to help someone it’s just to call and ask them if they’re OK and if they need anything. Too many times we know that someone is going through something and we feel like we should leave him alone. That is the last thing we should do.

Call them and call them often. then call them some more. If they want me to pray with them for their healing or anything else, this is the time to do it.

Maybe whoever is in charge of this place will listen to our prayers if we start showing that we mean what we say. That we are going to step up and help, too. Keep praying, but start helping.