Posted in Humor

2020: As Written By A Nine Year Old


I have made up a fictional scenario that could be just as conceivable as any other as to why this year has been a complete disaster. I would like to relay it here and look forward to hearing all the input and arguments.

To appease the masses, in this theory, we will refer to God as a male. We will also understand that time passes differently due to Heaven being in another dimension. Thirty minutes up there would equal to five years down here.

Since the last world clusterf$&k, aka war, God has been sitting and doing his job diligently and silently. Finally, he determined that he was due a bathroom break with possibly a couple of cigarettes. Glancing around, he grabbed the first angel that he saw to cover him on his break. The angel’s name was Dennis and happened to be a child.

Dennis was only nine years old and a red head, which we all know is a lethal combination. He was determined to make some changes in the short amount of time he was in charge of things.

His first act in charge was to make a human that he intended to be only a cartoon character on a TV show. Since he had no idea what he was doing, he accidentally turned his creation into President of the United States by dropping his mold into orange paint. This creation of his had nearly started three wars before he had noticed what he had done.

Panicking, he sent a really bad flu season down, hoping it would fix what he had done. When that didn’t work, he invented a new species of bee that was deadly. He named them “Killer Bees.” He targeted a specific location and sent them straight to Washington. Little did he know, the president he was looking for was rarely there. He preferred being in Florida where he could golf.

Completely out of sorts and shaken now, he threw together some problems and sent them to Earth. One of these being COVID-19, the virus that would infect and isolate the entire world. At the time, being only nine, he was hoping to bring the people together, fix his mistake and drive out the imposters, but the masses only turned on each other.

By the time that God came back from his break, the world was in chaos. All he could do was shake his head as he tried to fix what Dennis had started. He sent down some help, but they were not heard in the hysteria. He sent love, but it was not seen with the brutality. He sent down cures, but they were blocked for profits.

He finally figured out a solution and started the wheels in motion. He decided that to fix these dire situations, the people would have to come together and turn to love and away from hatred. Only then could he stop what Dennis had set in motion. No one noticed because they were all at each other’s throats. Too selfish and arrogant to notice the help being offered, they once again turned their back on each other.

I would like to end this here, but I’m not sure what is going to happen yet and it scares me every second.

As published on Muddyum


Real Estate Agent, Landlord, Micro-Investor and Finance Specialist. Enjoys sarcasm, wit, wine and writing. Dogs are the answer to everything.

2 thoughts on “2020: As Written By A Nine Year Old

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