My husband not think that this would be an successful tactic. But I would like to point out that I am in sales and he’s not.
I’ve had many offers since this post. Some of them are absolutely ridiculous but that’s beside the point.
I believe that this picture is the first time I have ever had the pleasure of seeing pure bliss or ecstasy on the face of an animal.
I also adore the love coming from the face of my amazing husband. He would deny all feelings like that of course, because he is a “man.” For God’s sake, he owns both camouflage and orange clothing!
I am extremely excited to announce that I am driving a car that is less than five years old for the first time ever in my entire life.
However, the most exciting part for me is the fact that the windows roll down and the air conditioner works.
I have spent the last six months in the dead heat of Georgia summer driving around in a car with no air-conditioning and no ability to open the window. Combine that situation with the blacked out gangster tint all over the windows on this car and you have the recipe for a small compact section of Hell brought up for your own amusement.
So in simpler and less dramatic terms, I am so excited to be comfortably working my life away instead of doing it with no air conditioner in a less than stellar vehicle.
The downside to this improvement in my life is that I now have a $600 a month car payment. So, on a final note, I have become broker but cooler in a sense as well.
The COVID-19 virus and pandemic totally shook the world to its core. Everything we thought was sacred and safe all of a sudden wasn’t anymore. People started turning on each other and against the government that was failing them with each new regulation that passed.
Our work, our kids’ lives, and our social lives have all taken a huge hit. Many have lost their jobs and some have lost most, if not all, of their income. The stimulus relief provided by the government helped for a minute, but more help is drastically needed. Jobs are still being lost and companies are shutting down consistently.
Now, here we are with no end in sight. People are still out for each other’s throats online and in politics. Our governor, in Georgia, is suing for people not to be able to wear a mask. Therefore, it’s logical to assume he wants everyone to get sick.
Virus numbers continue to rise and conspiracy theories are being speculated on left and right as to the reason for this. Conspiracy theory rumors are everywhere and mistrust of the government is at an all time high. Are there really more COVID cases or are we just showing this increase as a result of having more access to testing and/or healthcare facilities? Are so many people really still dying from it or are hospitals trained to now state COVID as cause of death for everything in order to get some kind of funding or grant?
We have a local community center that provides a drive up mobile testing site for locals to go for testing at their leisure. I had a friend that went there two weeks ago and stood in line for a couple hours after registering. He finally got fed up and left. Much to his surprise, he got a letter in the mail a few days later telling him he had tested positive for COVID. He was very confused as he had no test done. His story has quickly spread in our community and his is just one of many that make us suspicious.
More and more people start hearing stories like this. The question is what would be the motive behind this? None of us can figure that out. We are just all ready for our lives and our kids lives to get back to normal. Living in fear on a daily basis has caused many of us to become desensitized to the virus.
It’s time for some answers.
I don’t know why I was so surprised, but after hearing all the praise surrounding the latest bestselling book from a well-known internet and inspiration guru, I expected to learn a few new tricks for dealing with my life.
I paid sixteen dollars and some change to learn absolutely nothing. Here’s a quick sarcastic summary of the book in question so you don’t have to spend any money. I didn’t learn anything that is not common sense.
Don’t apologize for being you. Don’t apologize for not being perfect. Don’t apologize when you mess up, it’s a sign of weakness. Just don’t apologize.
She has amazing sex because she stopped caring about her body’s flaws. She has four kids and has the most amazing sex life of anyone on the planet.
If you think you are not attractive, just tell yourself that you are. Then BOOM! You are attractive to yourself again. Also, force yourself to do the 30 day straight sex challenge. Just do it. She said so.
You can’t control the chaos of family so just learn to love it. Life is crazy and no one can control it. In other words, give up trying to clean. You can try again when they are eighteen.
Washing your face will solve all of or most of your problems. Washing your face and brushing your teeth will cure any disease that you might have.
Said author admittedly had a vanilla crew, aka all caucasian friends, so she ventured out of her comfort zone, made new culturally diverse friends, and recommends everyone does the same. Note: see the above title that all of this should be common sense.
Several generic stories about how not apologizing and washing her face made her life so much better. Also, her son said something mortifying to an authority figure and she didn’t literally die because of it.
You literally can wear whatever you want anytime. It’s all about how you feel in it. Do you, girl.
Be fabulous all the time. Be fabulous every day. Wear a shirt that says fabulous on it. Get it, girl! But never forget, you can be fabulous in sweat pants wow while apologizing. And never, ever weigh yourself.
Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself what an amazing basic girl you are! Then, put your Uggs on and go get a pumpkin spice latte!
Stop lying to and breaking promises to yourself. When you make yourself a promise, keep it so you don’t get mad at yourself. There is nothing worse than when you are giving yourself the silent treatment.
If you dare to say no to yourself, refuse to acknowledge it, and argue with yourself. Who are you to deny yourself? What the hell?
There you have it. A complete synopsis of a book that got someone famous. Look who’s laughing now (it’s not me).
This date involves going to the zoo for the semi-annual zoo and brew event they host. I’m sure there is one close enough for most to drive to. Mine is an hour away. You are able to taste and buy different beers all while strolling hand in hand to watch the animals sleep or have their backs turned to you. Extreme Version — dress up like animals and make animal noises at everyone (including the real animals) all night.
Go on a romantic boat ride in the moonlight on your closest body of water with your love. If he craves excitement, I know he will get turned on by you pretending (dressing and talking) to be Crocodile Dundee all night. If you don’t know who that is, just pretend to be Steve Erwin or, better yet, watch the movie and become cultured.
Travel to your closest drive-in movie spot for a double feature at twilight. You can spend the evening cuddled up in the car, cuddling, and snacking. Or you can walk around and obstruct the views of others until there is a symphony of honking going on if that is up your alley. I know some of you may get your rocks off by causing trouble.
Take a drive to the nearest park that every town has and park the vehicle. Stay inside the car or go sit and on a bench. Start snapchatting all the losers working out or doing weird stuff. This is like people watching, but more fun because you have physical evidence of what you saw to share with the world.
Head on down to your local bookstore. Grab a pumpkin spice latte or some other basic coffee drink and look at all the dirty pictures in the books. Another great option is to leave notes in books for future readers. Use your imagination but here are a few ideas: God is watching you, If you find this note Pee Wee has me, I know what you did, etc.
Baseball is by far my favorite sport with college football coming in a close second. But even if you aren’t a fan of sporting events, grab your honey and go to a local game of some kind. The environment is usually very casual with a lot of beer drinking and hollering. That’s why it’s especially fun to go attired in formal wear and bring a classy element to the party. It confuses everyone around and you will be the talk of the evening!
In my town, downtown is where most of the happening places are at. I don’t get to go there often because my husband complains about the twenty minute drive. His logic is, why go there when Applebees is three blocks away? So, I really get excited to go downtown. I like to take sidewalk chalk and create masterpieces on the sidewalks since downtown is already a plethora of multi-media artwork. My husband enjoys this also. I don’t draw genitalia like my sister does, but whatever floats your boat.
Stay home and order a movie (or Netflix and chill if that’s better) but before the flick, have a cookie bake-off. Bring your best recipes to the table. Note: If your best recipe includes marijuana, let your partner know ahead of time. It could get ugly if you don’t.
I hope this quick list helps to add some spice to your life. It is hard work maintaining anything in your life (just ask my car), but the benefits far outweigh the trouble.
Kylie’s Rants 